Tuesday, February 28, 2012

What It Means To Be An Adult- Part 1: Laundry

When you're an adult, you have to do your own laundry.

(Okay, of course there are exceptions, like if you're super rich or if you've conned your significant other into doing it...)

I think one of the weirdest things about moving out of my parents' house, was realizing that I am now responsible for buying things like laundry detergent, dish soap, and toilet paper. These are all things that were just there before. I never had to think about them, let alone BUY them. In fact, I probably didn't even realize that they existed before I moved out. No one told me I would need to buy laundry detergent.

First of all, how do you even know what kind of detergent to buy? I had no idea. The laundry aisle became this daunting challenge that ended up looking like the hallway from The Shining.

I mean, seriously...wtf is this!?

I'll tell you what it is. It's the laundry detergent rainbow row of hell, that's what.

A little trial an error taught me a few things:

  1. The color of the bottle does not matter.
  2. Detergent is NOT equal to fabric softener. These are different products. Do not be fooled by the similarity of the bottles.
  3. I am, in fact, quite allergic to fabric softener.
  4. If your detergent is "Mountain Spring" scented, it probably smells like a car air freshener.

Detergen aside, the fact that I have to do laundry is an issue in itself.

I like clean clothes. I really do. However, I have a serious problem with laundry. Here's another list (With pictures!) to sum up my (somewhat disorganized) laundry routine:

Step 1: Decide on an outfit for the day. 

Step 2: Realize that there are many more options and start trying on EVERYTHING.

Step 3: In an attempt to save time, skip rehanging and add all tried on clothes to the dirty laundry pile at the bottom of the closet.

Step 4: Finally decide that the first outfit is the best, and plan to rehang the clean items later.

Step 5: Never rehang anything. Instead, spend all week picking from the closet laundry pile and using smell as a way to determine the cleanliness of each item. 

Step 6: Run out of clean underwear (Except for one pair of granny panties, reserved for "that time of the month.")

Step 7: Wear granny panties for a day. (Throw out all hope of getting laid.)

Step 8: Go commando for a day. (Be prepared to get laid twice.)

Step 9: Finally become bored enough to do laundry. Although there still may be clean clothes in the closet laundry pile, throw everything in the washing machine without sorting.

Step 10: When clothes are clean and dry, bring them upstairs and put them on the bed. Begin to hang things like a real adult. (While wearing "Laundry Day" bright red hoodie and purple polar bear boxers...)

Step 11: Become distracted by an article of clothing you thought was lost. Try it on with other clothes and jewelry to see what outfit possibilities there are. 

Step 12: Realize that it is a good idea to repurpose your wardrobe and try on everything to find all new outfit combinations.

Step 13: Decide to play dress up. Be a zombie. (Find Roommate and scream, "LOOK, I"M A ZOMBIE!")

Step 14: Take a nap.

Step 15: Become distracted by roommate.

Step 16: Put away underwear and hang a few things.

Step 17: Reward yourself with a beer.

Step 18: Create a new closet laundry pile with the remaining clothes and decide to hang them tomorrow.

Step 19: Put the clean clothes on your bed the next morning to force yourself to hang them when you get home later.

Step 20: Go about your day. Come home at night, get ready for bed, decide you're too tired to put away laundry, and throw all the laundry back into closet pile (Which may now have dirty clothes in it.)

Step 21: Repeat steps 1 through 20 FOREVERRRRRR.

Hey. At least my clothes still get clean, right?


  1. Your steps are quite similar to mine, except yours are more epic.

  2. I don't do laundry...I buy new underwear.