Friday, March 9, 2012

There's A Huge Zit On My Face And I Know Everyone's Looking At It

I have had a huge zit on my face for about a week now.

And I'm not stupid. I know everyone is looking at it.

How can they not? It's huge. It's right there, next to my mouth. Every time I talk, the monstrous beast is only highlighted.


Hell, I may as well name it Franciscus and introduce it to people before I start talking. (Thank you, MerBear, for the sweet name.)

In fact, one of my closest friends, Candice, has a strategy similar to this. When she has a huge zit, she points it out first thing. She'll say something like, "See this huge zit here? It's huge. Look at it. Look at it! It's right there. I know it's there, now you know it's there." And then we move on. The elephant in the room has been addressed. It's genius.

Okay, so maybe MY zit is not that bad. BUT...I have been lucky enough to have pretty decent skin, and I don't often get legit acne, so when I do, it's quite traumatizing.

Even if you don't understand having a huge zit, I know you know what I'm saying here. The same thing happens when you're having a bad hair day (Or a bad shine day, if you're bald), or you don't have time to put makeup on before you leave the house (This happens to me often, and I look like sasquatch....more on this later), or basically any situation in which something out of your control is making you feel like you look like a hideous beast from the black lagoon.

When something like this happens, it's hard to imagine anyone being able to take you seriously. I mean, even if people aren't actually staring at it all day, it definitely feels like they are.

And sometimes, they are. Like with the huge zit on my face. 

I'm not going to kid myself and pretend like it's not ridiculously obvious, but I'm sure as hell going to try to make it less noticeable.

So, obviously, my first option is to use make up, which I don't even own. I considered using a dab of Roommate's make up (Yes, my MALE roommate has make up. I don't know why, and I'm not going to ask), but I came to the conclusion that this would be weird. This caused me to have to drive to Rite Aid and actually purchase this weird skin-toned face goo that I may or may not ever need again.

And we all know how using make up to conceal an imperfection goes. Sometimes when you just want to cover some shit up, you end up making it even more obvious.

Oh....and that's exactly what I did.

So that was a fail.



Option #2 was to try covering up Franciscus with a band-aid. But there was a problem:

My band-aid selection is limited (Or should I say, BOUNDLESS!). I don't actually own any normal band-aids. After trying and failing with neon green, Ninja Turtle, Hannah Montana, and Disney Princess band-aids, I pulled out the big guns.

Glitter. Yes, I have glitter band-aids. This would work. Everyone knows my favorite color is glitter. I figured it would just match my outfit and my personality.

It didn't. 

And after peeling off all of the other band-aids, I had almost no skin left, so this one took me almost twenty minutes to peel off.


I hope to say this hurt isn't necessary.


So wearing a band-aid was out.

Option #3 was to wear a scarf. It's a chilly 82 degrees Fahrenheit in sunny southern California today. This was a good idea. And it was stylish.





Cute?

This seemed like a solid plan, until I remembered how long this scarf is, and my severe ADHD kicked in. I have no doubt that at some point in my day, this would happen:


And what if this happened in the middle of class? Or at work? Or at the bank? (Or really, anywhere in public). Oh, and it would. Scarf was out.

I think once I realized that the scarf wasn't going to work, I got a little desperate...

...


...to say the least...



Option #4: HAIRBEARD!









Option #5: Pug Beard!!









Option #6: Paper Bag Face!


(I've really always wanted a beauty mark, voluptuous lips, and a sweet beard and goatee to stroke while I'm deep in thought anyway...)







Option #7: Naked!!


(Everyone will be distracted by boobz!)







Hours later....I realized that all of this was absolutely ridiculous. No one was really going to care what I did to conceal this disgusting flaw.


...but they would definitely want to know his name...


Meet Franciscus. He smiles when I smile!









Browned Butter White Chocolate Chip Blondies




This is what happens when you're broke, out of chocolate, and experiencing intense cravings as a result of your menstrual cycle.

Sometimes you've just gotta improvise.

And sometimes you've just got to give into the crazy cravings to save everyone else from a beast-like, acid-tongued wrath.

These blondies are necessary. I'd even call them healthy.

I pretty much took a basic blondie recipe and jazzed it up a bit. 

You're welcome, world.



Browned Butter White Chocolate Chip Blondies 

Adapted from Food Network



Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup unsalted butter(1-1/2 sticks), plus more for the preparing the pan
  • 1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
  • 2 large eggs, beaten
  • 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 1/4 cups all purpose flour, plus more for preparing the pan
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon fine salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg (optional)
  • About 1/2 cup white chocolate chips or nuts or chocolate chips or anything else that sounds delicious! (optional)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour 9 x 13-inch baking pan.
  1. In a small sauce pan melt the butter, and allow it to bubble, while stirring constantly, until it is fragrant and light brown in color. Don't worry if you get a few little black flakes in your mix. They add flavor!!
  2. Put the light brown sugar in a large bowl, add the butter, and stir to combine. Cool to room temperature. 
  3. Beat in the eggs and vanilla.
  4. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. 
  5. Add the flour mixture into the wet ingredients, mixing just until a smooth batter is formed. 
  6. If using the chips, stir them into the batter.
  7. Transfer the batter to the prepared pan. Bake until lightly browned and toothpick inserted in the center come out clean, about 20 minutes.

Cool the blondies in the pan slightly before inverting them onto a cooling rack. Cool completely. Cut into squares and serve. (They're delicious with ice cream!!)


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Spicy Roast Chicken


Not gonna lie, this was my first attempt at cooking a whole chicken. I cook with chicken breast all the time, and I've even worked with a turkey on Thanksgiving (Or at least I've watched my mom do it a thousand times), but whole chickens always kind of freaked me out. My aunt and cousins have pet chickens, so whenever I see a raw whole chicken, I kind of have a weird impulse to give it a name and a proper burial (I know, I'm a freak...). Also, you have to pull out all of its teeny tiny organs, which is slightly gross. Anyway, this Spicy Roast Chicken recipe that Boyfriend found on the Food and Wine website was absolutely delicious, and you should definitely try it! 

And if you're as freaked out about working with a whole chicken as I was, never fear....it's really not that bad! I served it with roasted asparagus and white rice, and it was sooo good. This is a great recipe for beginners!



Spicy Roast Chicken


CHICKEN
  • 1/4 cup Dijon mustard
  • 1/2 tablespoon water
  • 1/2 tablespoon ancho chile powder (It's a little pricey, but totally worth it. If you really don't want to spend too much, regular chili powder also works.)
  • 5 garlic cloves, minced
  • 3 tablespoons finely chopped sage (Or another chicken herb...I actually used rosemary!)
  • 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • Salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • One 4-pound whole chicken, cleaned and patted dry (To clean it, just pull out all of the gross stuff, rinse it out and pat it dry!)
  • 2 tablespoons pickled jalapeño peppers, sliced, plus 1/4 cup of the brine strained into a spray bottle (You can get a little spray bottle in pretty much any store in the cleaning supply aisle, or at Target where they have all of the min travel bottles!)
  • 2 tablespoons chopped parsley
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter


TOPPING
  • 2 garlic cloves, smashed
  • 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 cup fresh bread crumbs
  • Finely grated zest of 1 lemon
  • 1 tablespoon chopped parsley
  • 1/4 teaspoon cayenne
  • Salt

DIRECTIONS

  1. Preheat the oven to 350°. In a blender, puree the Dijon mustard, water, chile powder, half of the gar­lic, 1 tablespoon of the sage, 1/2 teaspoon of the oil and 1/2 teaspoon each of salt and pepper. Place the chicken breast side up in an ovenproof skillet; coat with the mixture.
  2. Bake the chicken for 1 hour and 20 minutes, or until cooked through. Spray the chicken with the jalapeño brine; bake for 5 more minutes. Let rest for 10 minutes.
  3. In a skillet, cook the jalapeños, parsley, lemon juice, the remaining garlic and the remaining sage in the butter and remaining oil over moderate heat until fragrant.
  4. In a skillet, brown the garlic in the oil over moderate heat; discard the garlic. Add the bread crumbs, zest, parsley and cayenne and stir until the crumbs are crisp. Season with salt.
  5. Top the chicken with the jalapeño butter, sprinkle with the crumbs and serve.