The "Dont Look At The Clock" Game

     I have found that the last hour of any work shift is the hardest part of my entire day.

     Yes, sometimes I have to get up for work at 3AM. And sometimes we get a line of customers that stretches out the door and around our building, and I have to make drinks for three consecutive hours, while still pretending I'm enjoying myself and I'm happy to see everyone. All of this is difficult, but at least they make time go by faster.

     That last hour kills me every time, and here's why:

     I end up playing what I like to call the "Don't Look At The Clock" Game. We've all done it. It's miserable, and we know it, but we still do it.

     The DLATC Game is when you actively try not to look at the clock, with the hope that maybe this will make time go by faster. Do not be fooled by this idea. This is a mistake. It will fail. Every time.

     When you think it's been a half hour, it's been three minutes.

     When it feels like you haven't looked at the clock for two hours, only fifteen minutes has really passed when you look again.

     When you start the game, the clock will look like this.

     When it feels like it's been forever, you decide you can't take it anymore and you check the clock, it will more than likely look like this.

     In fact, it may even look like this.

     Yes, time may actually go backwards when you play this game. This is science! (And believe me, I know science. I used to watch Bill Nye The Science Guy alll the time.)

     I've actually taken the game to the next level by trying to get co-workers involved. This is also a mistake. Someone will eventually have to look at the clock, and they will inevitably tell everyone else what time it is, thus ruining the game and making multiple people miserable, resulting in mass misery that only makes time go by even slower.

      And then the only way to end the cycle of mass misery is to stop time completely!!

     ...and then you will need this:

Valentine's Day = LAME

     I absolutely hate Valentine's day. I seriously do. I just don't see the point. It's an entire day devoted to having expectations of your significant other, and spending money on useless gifts that are supposed to be meaningful. Really? Reeeally? Is a teddy bear holding an ugly plush heart meaningful?

     Not to me. Nope. I don't need shit like that. And Boyfriend definitely does not need to shower me with lame gifts and flowers and chocolate to get me into bed. (Okay...maybe chocolate would help a little...)

     And even if I did want lame gifts and flowers and chocolate, why would I want it on the same day that everyone else is getting it? To me, that feels less like a personal, meaningful gift, and more like a generic, last minute, thoughtless token of supposed-affection. I mean, of course flowers and chocolate and dumb trinkets are cool...but why do I only get them one day a year? Ohhhh, because it's the most romantic  day of the year. Of course!

     I'm not bitter, I swear.

     I've celebrated Valentine's Day before, and I guess I used to be into it. Over the years it really started to dawn on me how dumb it was, and since then, every year I have clearly informed my significant others of my detestation for the holiday, and most of the time, my hatred has been respected. I mean, there were a couple times where my boyfriend or girlfriend ignored me and did stuff for me anyway, and I can't say it went over too well. In fact, I acted like a complete asshole in every one of these situations, and I feel pretty awful about it now.

     So when Boyfriend brought Valentine's Day up, I gave him the same speech I'd given everyone else. He was pretty bummed, but he ultimately agreed let it go.

     I think that's what made me feel the worst. I'm Boyfriend's first real girlfriend...and this was his first official Valentine's day with someone to spend it with...and even though it's important to him, he let it go without much of a fight. I've experienced Valentine's Day with a significant other before. What kind of person would I be if I didn't let him experience it, too? Hell, maybe letting him have this holiday now would make him realize how lame it is and I'll never have to deal with it again! Either way, it would definitely get me laid.

     That's when I decided to give him an amazing, epic Valentine's day dinner.

     Oh, and not just ANY dinner.

     I asked him to come over at 8pm, and to stop by the store and pick up a bottle of Cupcake Cabernet Sauvignon. (I often make us dinner, and we often have wine, so this didn't ruin the surprise.)

     I started the meal with a fresh spring mix salad, dressed with a white balsamic dressing. I also made him Goat Cheese Stuffed Filet Mignon with Balsamic Reduction Sauce, served over Rosemary Garlic Mashed Potatoes, with Balsamic Roasted Asparagus.

     

     For dessert, I made Basil Balsamic Strawberry Shortcakes with Barefoot Pink Moscato champagne.

     And it was more than just dinner.

     I went all over town, finding the perfect table settings and decor.

     I bought candles and fancy chocolate.

     SHIT....I even had a slideshow with pictures of us set to music playing on the bigscreen. I'll say it. I'm awesome. I win the Best Girlfriend Award.

     AAAAND Voila! Valentine's, Schmalentines. I could do this every night. (Not really...I'm wayyy too lazy for that.)

   

     Needless to say, Boyfriend was very surprised and very happy.

And this bitch got laid.

This Valentine's Day thing could work for me, after all.

Basil Balsamic Strawberry Shortcake

If you like Strawberry Shortcake already, this will blow your mind. I know it sounds totally weird, but it is absolutely amazing and it will change your life. 

Plus, there are strawberries. Strawberries are a fruit. This is totally healthy.

Ingredients

• 1 pound strawberries, stemmed and sliced (I ended up slicing them in half, and then into slivers.)
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• 1 tablespoon fresh basil, minced (Thai basil is also a really great twist!)
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups heavy cream
• Whipped Cream or ice cream (If you use ice cream, make sure it's softened. You can do this by letting it sit out of the freezer for 15-20 minutes or so)

Directions

1. Mix strawberries with 3 tablespoons sugar, vinegar, and basil. Refrigerate while juices develop. This will take at least 30 minutes.
2. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
3. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, remaining 3 tablespoons sugar, and salt in a medium bowl. Add heavy cream and mix until just combined (I actually ended up using my hands). Place mixture in an ungreased 8-inch square pan. You may have to spread it out a bit, but be careful not to press down too hard. Bake until golden, 18 to 20 minutes.
4. Remove the shortcake from the pan and place on a rack to cool slightly. Cut into 6 pieces and split each piece in half horizontally. (The picture above shows two full pieces of cake for dramatic effect, but it works muuuuch better if you use one piece split in half.)
5. Spread whipped cream or ice cream on one half of your cake, and spoon strawberries over it. Top this with the remaining piece of cake and spoon more strawberries over the top.

Goat Cheese Stuffed Filet Mignon with Balsamic Reduction Sauce

Our mom didn't cook very much red meat when we were kids, so there's a very soft spot in my heart for a good steak. I especially love steak when it is stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, and drizzled with a sweet balsamic reduction.

Get ready, internet. You may not want to eat steak any other way after this...

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups balsamic vinegar
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 (5 to 6-ounce) bacon-wrapped filet mignon steaks (You can buy them already wrapped at many stores, like Winco, or you can wrap them yourself.)
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 2 ounces soft fresh goat cheese

Directions

1.  Preheat your broiler.
2. Boil the balsamic vinegar and sugar in a heavy small saucepan over medium-high heat until it has reduced to about 1/3 cup, stirring occasionally. This should take about 18 minutes.
3. While your sauce is reducing, melt the butter in a heavy large non-reactive oven-proof skillet over medium-high heat. 
4.  Before wrapping steaks with bacon, (Or pull the bacon away if your steaks came with bacon!), make a small slit in the side of each steak, and stuff each one with about a tablespoon of cheese. make your you stuff it as far inside as you can, to avoid it melting out. Replace bacon slices.
5. Sprinkle the steaks with salt and pepper. 
6. Sear steaks in skillet with butter 1-2 minutes per side.
7. Transfer skillet to oven and cook the steaks to desired doneness, about 3 minutes per side for medium-rare, or when your meat thermometer reads about 130-135 degrees (If you don't have a meat thermometer, get one!! It will seriously become your best friend.).
8. Crumble a little more cheese over the steaks and broil just until the cheese melts, about 1 minute. Sprinkle with pepper.

Transfer the steaks to plates. Drizzle the balsamic sauce around the steaks and serve.

(I like to serve them over my Garlic Rosemary mashed potatoes, with Balsamic Roasted Asparagus.)

Individual Molten Brownie Cakes

I love individual desserts, and I LOVE serving them to other people. There's something so enchantingly fancy about a personal dessert, especially when it's served in a ramekin! This recipe for individual molten brownie cakes is awesome if you want to impress people with your fancy culinary skill, even if you don't have any at all. They're actually ridiculously easy to make, and no one will ever know they came from a box! 

Also...Chocolate. Do I really need to say more?

INGREDIENTS

• 1 box brownie mix ( I like HERSHEY'S!)
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1/4 cup milk
• melted butter
• powdered sugar
• vanilla ice cream
• 6-12 Hershey's kisses
• semi sweet chocolate chips

Serves 6 (7 ounce ramekins)

DIRECTIONS

 Chocolate Decorations

1. Line a flat pan with foil, and coat it with a very thin layer of powdered sugar.
2. Put about a handful of chocolate chips into a ziplock sandwich bag and zap it in the microwave for a minute or two, or until it is completely melted.
3.  Cut a small piece off of the tip of your bag.
4. Squeeze the melted chocolate onto the sugar-coated foil into designs and shapes
5. Once the chocolate has cooled and re-solidified, or when you are ready to use your decorations, gently peel them away from the foil.

Molten Brownie Cakes

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Coat ramekins with a little melted butter and powdered sugar.
3. Mix brownie mix, egg, oil, and milk together until combined well.
4. Spoon brownie batter into each ramekin. They should be about 3/4 full.
5. Place ramekins on a baking sheet (so it's easier to take them all out at once!), and bake for 36-40 minutes, or until a toothpick poked in the center comes out clean.
6. While still hot, make a slice about an inch wide in the center of each brownie, open it to press a kiss or two inside, and then close it back up to allow the chocolate to melt.
7. Allow them to cool for 5-10 minutes before serving.
8. Top with a scoop of ice cream and chocolate designs to garnish and enjoy!

Rosemary Garlic Mashed Potatoes

I'm sure I've mentioned before how much I love garlic. I'm also pretty surprised that I still have friends and Boyfriend, given how often I probably have epic garlic breath.

I may be smelly, but at least I have healthy blood circulation! I win.

This recipe for mashed potatoes is actually my own, and I have ruined many dinners in my efforts to perfect them. It took me a while, but I finally found the perfect formula, and now, for the first time ever, making their internet debut, I give you...

Garlic Rosemary Mashed Potatoes.

Garlic Rosemary Mashed Potatoes

(makes 4 servings)

INGREDIENTS

1. 6 red potatoes, peeled and chopped into quarters
2. 6 cloves of garlic, minced
3. 1 tbs olive oil
4. 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
5. 2 tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped
6. Salt and pepper (or white pepper) to taste

DIRECTIONS

  

1. Place potatoes in a large stock pot with about 1-2 inches of cold water.
2. Bring water to a simmer, and simmer for about 15 minutes, or until the potatoes are tender
3.  Strain potatoes and remove them from the pot. Set them aside.
4. In the same stock pot, saute garlic, rosemary, and olive oil over medium heat until it is slightly browned.
5. Add potatoes back into the mixture.
6. Remove from heat and beat with an electric mixer.
7. Gradually add cream cheese and beat until fluffy.
8. Add salt and pepper to taste.

You can make these a few hours ahead of time and reheat them. Just put 'em back on the stove, over low heat, stirring them constantly so that they don't get stuck to the bottom of your pot.

Kat Tree

This is Chuck.

Chuck is Roommate's new kitten. I don't feel like the name fits him just yet, in his teeny tiny state, so I've just been calling him "Kat."

Kat likes to sleep a lot...

...mostly in my neck...

Kat also helps Boyfriend with grading philosophy papers.

I really like Kat. I have been begging Roommate to let me get a cat for a while now, but it seemed like an impossible dream with the seven dogs living under our roof. And since Roommate also owns the house we live in, and he's my landlord, what he says goes. 

I never stopped begging, though. I brought up the idea of a cat daily. I grew up with dogs and cats, and I know from experience that it is very possible for them to coexist, and even for them to love each other. The key is to get them used to each other at an early age. 

So I asked for a cat for my half birthday.

I asked for a cat on Thanksgiving.

I asked for a cat for Christmas.

I offered daily house cleaning services for a cat.

And then, one day...Roommate found a sickly stray cat outside of our house. Like myself, Roommate has a bleeding heart for animals. He decided to try to nurse this cat back to health. I tried my best to stay out of it, because I knew how easy it would be for me to fall in love, and how hard it would be for me to lose the cat if it died or if we ended up having to give it away. But I supported his decision, of course. We went out and got all of the things necessary to take care of a cat. Roommate took care of him for a few days, and in the end, the poor, sick cat passed away. Roommate was devastated. 

From that day on, he started trolling Craigslist for kittens. 

At first, he had really high standards. It had to be a ragdoll, which are supposedly really good with dogs. It had to be under a certain price. It had to be perfect.

After a couple weeks, he found some siamese mix kittens, and I came home from a day in San Diego with Boyfriend to a teeny tiny siamese mix kitten with bright blue eyes and little white paws.

Roommate may tell you a different story, but as far as I'm concerned, I WON!. I got a cat! And I get to enjoy all of the love and benefits of having a cat without being financially responsible for him! Yay!

Anyway....

Kat has been with us for a little over two weeks now. Boyfriend is allergic, but I've heard that cat is the one allergy that you can over by exposure, and Boyfriend has been mostly allergy free so far. Kat is actually really chill so far in general. He's already litter box trained. He eats like a pig. He loves to be in anyone's lap. He's not afraid of the dogs at all, but he's still too tiny for us to let him be free amongst them. He's actually too tiny for a lot of things....including the giant cat tree that just came in the mail today.

I opened the front door to a note from the UPS guy, saying that a package was in our Greenwaste trash bin. Yes. IN it. And it was. It was literally IN our trash can. (Which I also discovered to be full of glass beer bottles. I assume that Boyfriend may have taken out the recycling one night and thought that the green can was recycling...which I can understand, seeing as the world these days is all about "going green," and "going green" is synonymous with recycling, right?)

So this box is huge. And heavy. I manage to knock the can over and drag the box out...and then draaaaag the box to the front door....and then skip it over the front steps....and then draaaaag it into the kitchen. 

Kat seems pretty excited at this point.

Roommate is at Disneyland tonight, so I text him to tell him the box is here. I also tell him that I don't really feel like opening it and putting the cat tree together. Of course, he and I both know that I'm pretty incapable of putting it together. As if a mutual silent knowledge of this isn't enough, Roommate says, "Well, you could just open the box and let Kat play with the pieces!"

Touche, Roommate.

At this moment, I set out to make him eat his sarcasm. I realize that this is a perfect opportunity to prove to Roommate, Boyfriend, and the internet, that I am a mighty, mighty beast of cat tree construction.

I opened the box and pulled out the instructions first. It doesn't look so bad. I mean, these instructions were pretty straightforward. Each piece was labeled with a letter...I thought, "I know the alphabet. I got this shit." (The only thing that confused me a little was the fact that the pieces were lettered A, B, C, D, F...and then O, P, and Q. Where exactly did E and G through N go?)

And then I opened the box, and a very cruel realization set in...

...

...

...

...

...

...And then this happened...

...

...

...and then I more or less gave up, and improvised a bit. This was close enough. Roommate would never know the difference, and as long as cat stayed teeny tiny forever, the fact that nothing was bolted together would be perfectly fine!

After taking a long hot shower, I returned to the beast. I couldn't leave this thing in such a state. I knew I needed to figure it out. FOR KAT!

Luckily, the animals and I were the only ones home, so I was able to take my time whimpering and throwing cat tree pieces around the kitchen until FINALLY.....

PWND. 

...And of course, Kat could give a shit. Apparently the packaging this monster came in is far more entertaining.

Sigh.

Had to Do It: Better-Than-Crack Brownies

Pandora Station: Florence + The Machine

(recipe adapted How Sweet It Is)

I have read about these brownies over and over again, all over the internet. In every quest I have endured looking for new desserts to try, I have come across these brownies at least once. I haven't yet had the courage to take them on, however, because they just seem a little TOO rich and decadent. I mean, when I make something, I eat it. If there is an entire pan of addictive brownies sitting in my kitchen, I will eat them. And eating them may only take a matter of hours. I have an epic sweet tooth, what can I say?

Remember how I was sick earlier today? Well, I still am. My roommate finally came home, and we decided to head over to the farmer's market, since I don't know how to rest while I'm sick. (Yes, I compulsively cleaned the house all day after I made my soup. I couldn't help it. I always feel much better when I distract myself from being sick, rather than sitting on the couch feeling the pain all day long.) Then the rainy day baking blues got to me. Or maybe it was my sick delirium? Either way, I showed my roommate this recipe on my smartphone, and he more or less peer pressured me into making these brownies...not that he had to twist my arm too much at all...

So I made them, and as much as I'd like to apologize to myself, and to you, for bringing these addictive little morsels of heaven into our lives....I don't think I can. I think the only thing I can rightly say is..."You're welcome." Enjoy!

Better-Than-Crack Brownies

• 1 batch brownies (boxed mix)
• 1/2 cup salted peanuts (if don’t have salted, add sea salt
• 1 cup chopped Reese’s peanut butter cups
• 1 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
• 1 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1/2 tablespoon butter
• 1 1/2 cups Rice Krispies Cereal

Mix brownies according to directions, and bake for 20-25 minutes in a 9 x 13 baking dish. Remove and top with peanuts and peanut butter cups, and bake for 4-6 minutes more.

While they are finishing baking, melt chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter. Stir in cereal. Remove brownies from oven and evenly pour chocolate mixture over top.

Refrigerate for 2 hours before serving.

Here's a little something I found on the HowSweetItIs website, and it's pretty great: "Mr. How Sweet says these are healthy since they have peanuts for protein and good fat, and since the back of the Rice Krispie box says the cereal is a 'healthy snack'"  

Amazing.

Italian Sausage Sick Day Soup

Pandora Station: Porcupine Tree

Today, is another boyfriend-less, roommate-less, school-less day off of work. And today, I am sick.

My throat has decided to catch itself on fire, close up, and itch like crazy. This has caused me to cough until I choke multiple times already. My body has also decided that it quits. In fact, I'm pretty sure the amount that it's aching is a signal, warning me that the end is near. I started feeling sick early yesterday morning, and unfortunately found it too short notice to get anyone to go into work for me, so I pushed myself through a grueling night shift, where eventually I left an hour and a half early. They weren't going to let me leave-- they needed me. But I couldn't stay. I can't even imagine the chaos and drama that would ensue had I passed out in the front lobby of Starbucks, my green apron sailing down with me, like a surrendering white flag.

So I guess, in a way, it's lucky that I don't have work today. It sucks that I have to be a hot mess of sick on my day off, but at least I'm not missing work for it. The worst part is not being able to do anything at all. I don't handle boredom well. And boredom is a lot more miserable when you're home alone, sick, hungry, and practically immobile. It has been a long time since I was last this sick. In fact, the last time I was this ill, I was dating a girl, whose motherly instincts kicked in at the first sign of my illness. She made me food, helped me shower and dress, even set me up in front of the tv where I (reluctantly...) watched an entire season of Gilmore Girls. 

This time, I don't have that. I'm being forced to be a real adult and battle this bug alone. I was up at 6 AM this morning, unable to sleep because of the aching throat and body pains. It was then that I realized that it was raining, I was sick, and I was alone. I decided that it would be a good idea to haul out the crock pot again and make some soup for myself. I spent a few more hours in and out of consciousness, while I tried to find the strength to crawl out of bed and sink downstairs, where I could be a gelatinous puddle of sick downstairs with all of the dogs, rather than being a gelatinous puddle of sick upstairs by myself. I wrestled with the idea of making soup during those few hours, and eventually decided that I needed to do it and that I needed to get my ass up. Finally, with a little of my own momentum, and gravity, I was able to pull myself out of bed.

Now if I was going to make soup, I needed a few things from the store. This would be a challenge. Should I put on real clothes? Were pants necessary for this type of outing? I mean, it's raining and I'm sick. Would anyone really notice of judge me if they saw me at the grocery store in my neon purple plaid jammies and my giant black hoodie covered in pitbull fur? I spent entirely too long with this thought. In the end, I opted not to draw more attention to myself and my illness, as it may cause people around me to take extreme measures to avoid me, and this could become very inconvenient for me. I threw on some jeans and a hoodie with slightly less dog hair, and I pulled my rat nest of a mane out of my face. I also decided that last night's make up was perfectly acceptable (When I returned home, I realized that it was not). 

So, let me break this down for you in list form to make it a little easier:

Step 1: Find will to get up and out of bed. CHECK.

Step 2: Put on pants. CHECK.

Step 3: Shoes may also be a good idea. CHECK. (I actually forgot them initially and had to run back inside...)

Step 4: Go out into the world to purchase soup ingredients. CHECK.

Before I go on, can I just mention how completely confusing the pasta aisle is for me? I can never decide what kind of pasta I want....there are wayyyy too many options. Someone needs to get on those italians...

Step 5: Make soup. Throw it in the pot and take a nap or watch West Wing.

Step 6: Eat delicious, delicious soup and feel a billion times better...hopefully...

Without further ado, I give you, Italian Sausage Sick Day Soup:

(recipe adapted from allrecipes)

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 pounds Italian seasoned ground turkey(Jennie-O is the best!)
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 small onions, chopped
• 2 (14.5 oz.) cans whole peeled tomatoes
• 1 1/4 cups dry red wine
• 3 (14.5 oz) cans beef broth
• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 2 zucchini, sliced
• 1 green bell pepper, chopped
• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
• 1 (16 ounce) package rainbow rotini pasta
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a large pot, cook sausage over medium heat until brown. Remove with a slotted spoon, and drain on paper towels. Drain fat from pan, reserving 3 tablespoons.
2. Cook garlic and onion in reserved fat for 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in tomatoes, wine, broth, basil, and oregano. Transfer to a slow cooker, and stir in sausage, zucchini, bell pepper, and parsley.
3. Cover, and cook on Low for 4 to 6 hours.
4. Bring a pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook pasta in boiling water until al dente, about 7 minutes. Drain water, and add pasta to the slow cooker. Simmer for a few minutes, and season with salt and pepper before serving.